My brother is Jerk of the Day

Discussion in 'Hero and Jerk of the Day' started by Girl Versa Gas, Jul 8, 2008.

  1. Girl Versa Gas

    Girl Versa Gas Hypermiling newbie

    So I'm carpooling back from a family sailing trip with my brother and wound up in tears.

    To give a bit of background, I was in a car accident on 5/30. It really had an effect on my driving. Although the accident was not my fault, it was due to a stupid move that could have easily been something I'd do in my prior need for speed driving life. I've since "seen the light" so to speak and I'm soaking up everything I can about hypermiling.

    My brother drives like I used to. We were on our way back from Door County and I can tell he's a bit hurried. My brother normally keeps his speed pretty high, but then clicks it into cruise until he needs to pass. At the end of the weekend in Wisconsin, there's a huge migration of cars from Illinois heading South. Traffic was heavy and my brother was doing near 90mph one car length behind someone. Everyone hit the breaks and he swerved. So I say, "Jeeze, would you slow down! I really don't want to get into another accident." He was in such a pissy mood. Well he didn't take my comment so well. (I'm his Little Sister) believe it or not his driving is getting more aggresive and I'm biting my lip. I just wanted to be out of the car so bad.

    Then this guy on a cell phone starts moving into our lane, no signal, not looking, just changing lanes without any idea that he's on the road with anyone else. My brother is fiddling with the stereo and doesn't see anything. My reaction, although not the safest was to yell, "Mike, look out!" and try to grab the steering wheel. (I know, bad) He was yelling at me as we swerved off the road. I just kept saying I was sorry. My heart was racing. I just kept thinking about the accident and the fact that that all happened at 40-45 mph not the 85-90mph that we were doing. He eventually apologized for screaming at me, but not for his driving. All I could say was, "well some drivers really scare me." Funny I wasn't taking about the idiot on the cell phone. I was talking about him. I doubt he caught that though. I sat quitely for the rest of the ride, wiping tears from under my sunglasses.

    I love my brother very much, but it just kills me that on the ride up, I was explaining why I hypermile and that it's not just about the environment, the $ or the middle east. (excellent reasons on their own) It's because driving like a speeding idiot will kill you. I still see the accident everytime I pass though the intersection on the way home from work. I took his driving very personally. Why would he put me through that???

    Next time we carpool, I'm driving. ~My Versa gets WAY better mpg that his SUV.

    Thanks for listening. I really needed to vent.

    Girl versa Gas
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2008
  2. worthywads

    worthywads Don't Feel Like Satan, I am to AAA

  3. laurieaw

    laurieaw Sorceress of the North

    you have every reason to give him the jerk award. if i were in your position, i think i might even send this to him. he was putting you in a dangerous situation, which was doubly compounded by your recent accident. not fair and not at all sensitive to what you are going through.

    i would have been sorely tempted to get out of the car and refuse to ride with him. were there other family members in the car?


    i think that since i am probably old enough to be his mother, i can tell him he was being a very unsafe driver and treating his family like crap. grow up.

    hope that helps.
  4. Shiba3420

    Shiba3420 Well-Known Member

    Sadly I had something similar happen when I was riding with my dad over 20 years ago. We had been having dinner with a friend and he had a few drinks, but I really hadn't noticed. He must have had some before we went too. Anyway driving back, I was sitting in the back and got the feeling he wasn't sober enough to be safe, and I asked him to pull over so I could drive. He starting swerving as a joke. I ordered him to pull over and let me out, he refused. I could see in the rear view mirror that no one was behind us, so I reached forward and threw the car in park. I ended up walking over 20 miles back to his home (where my car was) and ran into some rather unsavery people and a nasty electrical storm on the way. When I got there, my car was blocked in by his. Clearly he intended to stay up and confront me, but thanks to the alchohol was quite asleep. I was tired enough I went to sleep for a few hours and was fortuante enough to wake up in the morning during a short period when he was out. I headed back the 8 hours to my home. That was the end of us. He always thought I should appologize for endangering him and his friend. I still think he owed me an appology for the things he did. I never rode with him again. He was still my Dad, but I couldn't trust him anymore. He has passed away and we never really reconciled. You always ask yourself, was he the person I loved as a child, or the horse's ass that I saw him as when I was an adult. Saddly, he was probably always both.

    As a guy, I always wish I could offer good advice, but I'm hardly in any position to do anything but share.
  5. xcel

    xcel PZEV, there's nothing like it :) Staff Member

    Hi Girl Versa Gas:

    ___Thank you for sharing and I feel for you.

    ___I actually hate riding along with many other non-hypermiling relatives (except for my mom and two sons because they are hypermilers ;)) because they are so damned aggressive with the high speeds and tailgating. They not only do not think anything of it, are oblivious to the fact as to how dangerous those high speeds in heavy traffic really are!

    ___Next time, I hope you drive because the world would definitely be a better and safer place :ccry:

    ___Jonathan, I am sorry to hear of your experiences. 20 + years ago all the way thought today. DUI was probably a lot more commonplace than we could have imagined today with all the drunk driving messages and penalties we have been shown the past 15 + years.

    ___Good Luck

  6. Xringer

    Xringer Older Member

    Dang! You sure put up with a lot.. About two milliseconds after he went over 75 MPH,
    I would have said, 'That's it bro, turn around and take me back to a bus station'!

    "85-90mph"?? People who drive like that are risking your life and theirs.

    You just might be helping your brother to grow up (maybe even to grow old) if you inform
    him that you will no longer be a passenger in his car, until he learns how to drive safely.
  7. rdprice64

    rdprice64 Still Learning

    I drove just like your brother for way too long and was very lucky to avoid any serious accidents. I remember many such incidents as you have descirbed, some involving/endangering my little sister too :eek:

    I always thought that because I paid more attention to driving, that it made it okay for me to go faster than everyone else. I thought that the speed limit should be based on your driving skills and that people rated slower should "get out of my way". Looking back, it was a sad place to be.

    So there is hope for your brother! Because if I can change at my advanced age, anyone can. But to help him, you need to figure out what really drives him (pun intended). For me, it was the green thing. I have recycled, conserved, and reused my whole life, but I never understood how my driving effected the world until I came here. I had a Corolla before my FEH and as it aged, it declined from a high of 35 mpg to a low around 25 mph. I thought that vehicle age was the problem, but it turned out to be the "nut behind the wheel" instead.

    So see if you can figure out your brothers "most important thing" in life and find a way to appeal to him through that. Maybe it will work. I hope for your sake and his, that something does!
    - Rob
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2008
  8. ikea4532

    ikea4532 ikea4532

    Thanks for sharing GVG!

    My GF is in that boat right now, i am a hypermiler, and she still drives like a maniac, btw she has a kid that is just turning 2 and she still drives like a maniac. I wish i could tell her to slow down, which i do every day but to no avail she knows of my bad accident, which placed me in a coma. I was not speeding but i was going fast enough to total my car and my body. I have slowed down but nothing has helped me more than this site ever could. Maybe you should send him an invite to join this site? maybe he will look at it and say hey i am the idiot. To tell you the truth i know i was the idiot when i drove like a maniac i see lots of cars drive like i did now. it is more scary to notice how everyone drives.
    ADVICE: next time you drive and show him how many accidents you almost see and show him how it looks from behind when someone is driving like a maniac -- just my 2 cents.

    peace and remember he is still your brother.
  9. kendan

    kendan Mid TN Hypermiler!

    My last accident really sobered me up to driving w/o paying attention. I was texting and driving thru a busy area when I saw a line of traffic stopped ahead. Too late, I caused a 4 car pileup. The front 2 were not bad, but my truck and #3 were in bad shape. I got a bruise across my chest for my efforts(thank god, I had gotten in the habit of buckling up!) and higher insurance premiums. The only good is I found my Mirage to replace the truck.
  10. ATL

    ATL Well-Known Member

    my sister used to yell at me for driving fast, maybe your bro will see the light someday (now she yells at me for driving slow... what gives :eek:)

    them's fightin' words :mad: we aren't all like that :cool:
  11. hobbit

    hobbit He who posts articles

    Wow, here are some really hairy stories.
    Notwithstanding, I think we all need to become firmer with the
    reckless people. Emotions can run inexplicably high when the
    topic turns to driving, but it's probably worth being more
    insistent about safety nowadays -- enough to make it stick in
    tangible ways, like "drop me off at the bus station".
  12. Chuck

    Chuck just the messenger


    That is heartbreaking that your Dad parted on such bad terms. :(


    Girl Versa Gas,

    You were in a postion that your brother never should have put you little swerve and things could have gotten a lot know that, but he needs to realize that


    Bear with my story about Drew Pearson, the one that caught the "Hail Mary Pass"...probably would have been in the NFL Hall of Fame but his career was cut short - his fault. He was DUI and crashed on east I635 in Garland...could play football, but one well-placed block to his liver could be fatal.

    BTW, his passenger was killed.


    His brother.

    Now he has to live with that the rest of his life.
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2008
  13. Girl Versa Gas

    Girl Versa Gas Hypermiling newbie

    HA! I used to be a FIB. (finally crossed the cheddar curtain) Come to think of brother still is! He went to UW-Madison so he's not ALL FIB. :rolleyes: Thanks again for letting me vent and for a few, sharing some pretty intense experiences.

    My brother's trigger is competitiveness. Maybe I'll suggest he just try to beat his last tank and send him a link. I don't want to get on a soap box, I think that often has the opposite effect. Either way, I'm not driving with him again until he slows down. I like my life these days.

    Mike, if you read this...I love you, but you're a nut!!!:eek: Come to the "Green Side!":D


    Girl Versa Gas
  14. Girl Versa Gas

    Girl Versa Gas Hypermiling newbie

    ;)I just sent him a link to this post. Please be kind and wish me luck with my intervention.

    Girl Versa Gas
  15. laurieaw

    laurieaw Sorceress of the North

    we will be here for both you and him, if he decides to take a look at what drives him (pun intended).
  16. Shiba3420

    Shiba3420 Well-Known Member

    Good luck on the intervention.

    If he reads this, please know that kind driving is even more important than economical driving. We should all be good citizens first, for ourselves, for our families, for our friends, and for all the strangers around us who could very well have been our friends our familes if circumstances were different.

    If you don't want people cutting you off, tailgating you, and generally doing stupid things around you, then you need to make a strong effort to not do those things to others (even when they do them to you first). Its very easy to get angry when someone does something, but it could have been an accident on their part, and even if it wasn't, they are doing it because everyone else is. Now its time to teach them some manors, not by cutting them back off, but by letting them go. When they are the only jerk on the road, they will probably calm down too, and if they don't they will be real obvious to the next officer.

    Good luck again!
  17. Xringer

    Xringer Older Member

    Mike, if you are reading this, please take a few days to think about what is posted here.
    Nobody here is really down on you, since most of us used to speed too.

    I used to drive my wife nuts, when I would get "too close" to other cars.
    (The buffer zone in Boston is less than one car length, so speed-demons don't try to get in front of you).
    Of course that means I was always driving at the prevailing speeds. Typically that was around 70 on 55 roads.

    Over the years, I've slowed down. That automatically puts a nice buffer out front.

    Enjoy life more, drive safe..
  18. kendan

    kendan Mid TN Hypermiler!

    I've learned it's better to relax and enjoy the ride...especially if you have someone to enjoy it with. I find I drive calmer and more relaxed when I engage my wife in conversation while driving. I had to drive with 3 other managers to Knoxville several times and found it a better experience if we were engaged in conversation.
    Note to Mike: when driving with your sister, talk to her, don't try and race what my brother used to call the "Baja on Cement". Noone wins when you drive that race!
    Note to Girl Versa Gas: remember, your brother is only human and male. He's got 2 strikes against him so be firm but fair. He's gotta lot to overcome, lord know's I did!:cool:

  19. Kurz

    Kurz Well-Known Member

    It took a few tickets to realize the financial burden I would Put on my family.
    (Was under their Insurance Plan)

    Then I realized speeding didn't get me there faster.
    My car was a bit unsafe: Is a ford explorer 1993.
    Gas was getting expensive for my college ways.

    It just clicked and I've been slowing down on my own for about a year.
    Then I found this website which taught me more ways to drive safely and still get more MPG.

    Since I started doing this... I get a close call once a month instead of twice a week.
    Hypermiling made me a better driver.

    So Mike there are so many benefits even for competitive people like you and me.
    I compete with myself and others to get the best MPG, its fun and a lot safer.
  20. Girl Versa Gas

    Girl Versa Gas Hypermiling newbie

    I talked to him. He apologized and said he read what everyone wrote and is going to work on it. Thanks everyone...and thanks Mike for not taking my "My brother is jerk of the day" wrong.:)

    Girl Versa Gas

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